IN her monthly column, Pound Hill mum Maria Box shares the highs and lows of life with her autistic son, Ryan.
DECEMBER was a very busy month at school for my Little Man as the winter production loomed.
Practice seemed to take place every day and upon pick up time I would be told that he had coped really well and had taken part, without the staff giving the game away as to what he would be doing.
Ryan had other ideas, however, and once home he would start singing We Love To Boogie and dancing about, completely letting the cat out of the bag.
Of course, he can't understand what a secret is and why shouldn't he screech at the top of his voice to let the whole street know what he had learnt?
He really does make us giggle when he constantly parrots what he hears and I know his teacher has to work hard to contain her laughter when he repeats everything she says.
The day of the production arrived and we got there early to secure front row seats.
I chose to sit right at the end so I could hide behind my fiancé Lee a little, as Ryan often becomes upset if he sees me at school when it's not pick up time and he was very distressed at the last performance.
This time round, the theme was "musical magic" and every class had to choose a famous musical to reenact.
Ryan's class was second to last, so whilst nervously waiting for my budding thespian to tread the boards, we were treated to interpretations of Matilda, Mary Poppins, Singing In The Rain, Saturday Night Fever, Annie and Joseph.
Tears welled in my eyes right from the very start. I know many of the pupils at Manor Green Primary as their parents are members of Autism Support Crawley, a support group for parents and carers that I am so proud to be chairperson of.
I was filled with such pride seeing them all so happy and all taking part, no matter what their ability levels were.
Inclusion is so important to any child with an additional need and even more important to the parent or carer.
And then it was the turn of Ryan's class. Their chosen musical was Billy Elliot.
As soon as I saw my Little Man appear from behind the curtain, wearing a high vis vest and head torch, pushing a coal truck with his teacher and following her instructions to unload the "coal" I totally fell apart.
Even picturing it now, as I type, sets me off.
Was he phased by the audience? Not one bit. With tears pouring down my face, I mouthed to Lee "How the hell did they get him to wear that?"
The staff never cease to amaze me in how they help the children progress and develop.
By the end of their performance I had spiralled into a blubbering wreck and was thankful for wearing waterproof mascara.
After the last class had taken to the stage, it was time for the lower school finalé involving all pupils and staff.
More tears flowed as they signed and sang I'll Stand By You.
I looked around to see many a wet eye being dabbed with a tissue, men included!
Typically, Ryan was right in front of us for this. He didn't sing or sign, but sat cuddled into a member of staff, pushing his ear lobes up into his ears, covering his eyes and peering through his fingers whilst reciting, yes, regular readers will have guessed it, cricket!
No tears, no screams, just his own coping mechanism to get him through it and focus on something he was familiar with to stay calm.
We were all exhausted after that, so goodness knows how they all felt.
Pride isn't a strong enough word for what we felt that afternoon. RYAN IS A LADIES MAN
RYAN is most definitely a ladies' man and feels very comfortable in women's company.
But he is very guarded about letting men near him, unless they happen to be Uncle Cookie, Daddy or one of his grandads.
However, out of nowhere, he has begun to show great affection for three other males.
My grandad is 94 and lives in a care home. I take Ryan to visit his great-grandad every school holiday.
He doesn't know that Ryan has autism and I can't tell him either as he is of a generation that do not understand disabilities and, sadly, he wouldn't want to see him if he knew.
Ryan has always been very reluctant to go near him, so it totally shocked me on our last visit to see Ryan go straight up to him in his armchair and lean into him for a cuddle, not only once, but twice!
This made Grandad really happy and I also felt a sense of relief that after six years he had finally done it.
Ryan adores Sarah the Carer and she loves him like her own too.
She had told me before that Ryan really loves her grown up son, Sam, and I saw it for myself when I picked him up from hers having escaped to do the dreaded Christmas food shop.
He wouldn't leave him alone and kept cuddling him saying "aargh lovely Sam".
Sam was so brilliant with him as well and I think they intrigue each other.
I wonder if I can add him to our very short list of babysitters?
A fashion designer and model friend of ours, Jennifer Klein, who we met when Lee took part in Wear It For Autism back in October, came to visit us shortly before Christmas and also brought a friend with her, who we had never met.
I carefully prepared Ryan for strangers entering his home and safe place and he coped very well when they arrived.
Jennifer soon won his affections with a bag of giant chocolate buttons, so they're friends for life now!
Her friend, Henrik, is such a lovely natured man and we clicked straight away as if we had all known each other for years.
We were just chatting in the living room when, out of nowhere, Ryan went and sat on Henrik, wrapped his arms tightly around him and would not let go.
It was beautiful to see him show such emotion and we were all very moved by it.
Ryan would have stayed cuddling him all evening if he could. At long last I am now starting to get the cuddles I have been waiting for since Ryan was born and those cuddles are the best in the world.
I embrace every single one of them, soaking up all the love that Ryan now shows me.
It's almost like he's flicked a switch inside his brain and now he's tried it, he realises that cuddles are a great thing.
They only happen on his terms, but that'll do for me. FAVOURITE TV PROGRAMME
A NEW obsession has crept into our house. The Furchester Hotel. If you've never heard of it then you don't know what you're missing.
It's a brand new programme on CBeebies from the Muppets' creators featuring two of Sesame Street's favourite characters, Cookie Monster and Elmo.
Lee's nickname is Cookie, so Ryan is very used to the Cookie Monster character and has mastered the gruff "Omm nom nom nom" you should hopefully all be familiar with.
Ryan was glued to the programme from the very first episode and so were we in all honestly.
Ryan has memorised all of them and happily replays them back to us and has got us singing the songs too without realising.
There are currently 21 stored on our TV hard drive for when he (not us) needs a Furchester fix.
The songs might drive us mad but he has learnt to make choices about which episode he wants to watch.
One of the songs is called The Furchesters Never Give Up so it's quite apt because I never have and we never will when it comes to helping Ryan develop and progress. CHRISTMAS IS TOUGH
CHRISTMAS was a very quiet affair and that suited us all perfectly.
Lee was off for the whole of the festive period for the first time ever and having that extra pair of hands made such a difference.
I felt so much more relaxed.
I always shed a few tears on Christmas Day because it's just another day to Ryan.
There's no excitement, no wrapping paper flying around all over the place, unlike the majority of homes, and for a split second I feel jealous of all the other families we know with neurotypical children.
All of Ryan's presents, except two, were out of their packaging and just in a big Christmas bag and sack for him to rummage through at his leisure.
This took nearly a week as he has no sense of urgency in this way unlike other children!
One present was wrapped in normal paper and it's actually still sitting on our coffee table, completely untouched.
On Christmas Day itself, I tried to give Ryan a book wrapped in cellophane.
I did this last year and he still became so distressed by it. This time round he just got up and walked off.
This is what set my tears off, but I soon pulled myself together and acknowledged the fact that it was a massive improvement on last year.
He even tolerated Lee and I opening our presents in front of him, which was unheard of before.
Tiny little steps forward seem to happen every year, so I'm sure we will get there eventually, albeit very slowly, but what's the rush?
We just want a happy Ryan. LEARNING TO ESCAPE
RYAN spent some lovely family time with his Dad and his side of the family over Christmas and then the big test came when Lee, Ryan and I, along with Lee's son and daughter, went to Lee's mum and stepdad's for the annual family gathering with Lee's stepbrother and stepsister, their spouses and children.
Last year was extremely stressful and difficult to say the least and I spent most of it lying on the floor of Lee's mum's bedroom pacifying my anxious, distressed Little Man, feeling isolated.
Well, what a contrast this year!
Ryan took a little bit of time to adjust to others being there, but after about an hour he ventured into the lounge to see what all the fuss was about.
He found the crisps and polished them all off without anyone getting a look in and then sat right next to a couple of the children and started to investigate the new toys they had just received.
We could not believe it and had to take pictures to prove it.
One of the older children was really trying to help him play with one particular toy and it was wonderful to see some peer interaction.
He was also very sincere when asking about why Ryan does what he does and was very interested to learn that some people's brains are wired up differently to most people's.
On occasions Ryan withdrew to Nanny Chris and Grandad Den's bedroom or the kitchen, just to level himself out again and returned once his anxieties had calmed down.
This was such an improvement on last year and I think the relief probably showed on my face as I could relax a little bit more.
What we must also celebrate is the fact that Ryan recognised his need to escape just for a little while every so often instead of just letting his anxieties build and build and then explode into a full scale meltdown.
Huge steps made by my twinkle-toed Billy Elliott. Well done my son.
